Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful. Beautiful Boy.

Twins.  It's been three years since they were born and I still can't believe I have twins.  Jacob and Jonah.  Jake and JoJo. I find it hard to think of one boy without thinking of the other.  In their three years on Earth, they've been separated only twice.  They play together.  They fight over everything.  They laugh together.  They drive me crazy....but they're beautiful.

From the moment they were conceived, they've been difficult.  Pregnancy was awful.  I experienced bed rest which is surprisingly not restful.  I was sick and swollen and in pain.  They were born relatively healthy but that  didn't last. Due to the MRSA they contracted in the hospital, my serious (although at the time I denied it) postpartum depression, and just the reality that two babies are a million times more difficult than one baby, I never really bonded with them. And although Mason taught me how quickly years fly, and that I need to treasure every moment I'm blessed with, I often find it hard to enjoy them.  Frankly, most days I am so overwhelmed I could cry. And sometimes I do.  And nights are usually more difficult than days.

But, I look back on that first year...and the second...and even the third and I know, "every day, in every way, it's getting better and better." Gone are the days when crying consumed forty five minutes of every hour.  I can shower every single day.  I get precious one-on-one minutes with each of them to really learn who he is and to repair what we lost when they were screaming newborns and I was too depressed to handle them. They're starting to have meaningful conversations.  I'm learning, a little at a time, the magic of being a mother of multiples.

 They've taught me so much....much more than I've taught them.  It's ok to eat off the floor.  It's ok to lick the dog.  It's ok to jump backwards off the couch.  It's ok to throw a super-sized fit in the middle of a crowded store.  It's ok to continue to shop through said fit. It's ok to be late (I'm still working on this, John.) Please know that when I use 'ok' what I mean is: although it makes me angry, nervous, or nauseated, no one has died.

While the guys look alike, they are so very different. And why shouldn't they be?  They are two completely different people.  Jacob is ALL BOY...rough, tough, and a little crazy.  He roots for the bad guy.  He is the most difficult child I've ever met, but he's also the most loving and I struggle to understand him.  Jonah, oh JoJo, is so very sweet.  He's sensitive and I worry that the world will be hard on him. BUT, he can be such a trickster and he gets so much joy from hiding things from his brother and sister.  Jonah was always second to hit every milestone (except potty training! Rock on, Jo!) He stayed back while Jacob ran into life at full speed.  He seems so timid, but there is something incredibly special about him.  I think JoJo is the puppetmaster...the one in control of everyone else. Jonah always gets his way.  ALWAYS. It's quite impressive.
I don't know who they will be when they're grown but I'm starting to enjoy getting to know them.  I no longer wish for time to pass quickly and I look forward to watching them grow and discover themselves. In the meantime, I'm going to do whatever I can to enjoy the now, for right now they are my beautiful, beautiful boys.